Im alone with my thoughts, the flood gates open and the pain and sorrow rushes in, drowning me.
The anguish from being stripped down..fresh and real
Remembering how it all was taken away... a business, a home, vehicles, and then a part of me...gone.
Once two lives joined together, a marriage and a family...torn apart.
I feel the heart ache, my suffering causes me to weep as I drive, feeling lost in my brokenness
I feel consumed with shame, I'm hurt, left with these deep wounds...fearful of the future because now it is plagued with the unknown.
I feel the months and years of the life I knew tumbling down...crashing to the ground.
I'm left to wonder in the trenches, rubble in the place of what once was, a life broken, dreams dead, questions looming
I'm left to wonder in the trenches, rubble in the place of what once was, a life broken, dreams dead, questions looming
Traumas can often mask God's presence and feelings can lie.
My feelings lie to me, I believe them...I'm convinced by them. So much so that I cant even swallow down any grace and I turn myself back from the land of the free. My soul cries out.
My feelings lie to me, I believe them...I'm convinced by them. So much so that I cant even swallow down any grace and I turn myself back from the land of the free. My soul cries out.
I recall what a dear friend once said, "maybe falling isnt about failure but about deepening faith, strengthening character, opportunities where we can show our trust in God."
Is it possible to hear Him through the pain, asking me to take His hand and follow Him even now, when the path seems so shaky and heavy with burden. But then, that is faith. In the trenches... this is where my faith is tested. How easy it is to trust in the good times...when life seems to flow, when I am happy and content. but as soon as the waters start to rise and I find myself in the center of the storm, as soon as the ground starts to grumble under my feet...how quickly I start to question, start to doubt... start to lose faith.
I know that only God can break this lie that consumes me and heal me with the Truth..His Truth. I know the miracle of hope that lives in His words, the freedom found in His promises. So I feed on it. Not on my emotions that lie, not on the judgement of the world, not on my doubts but on the truth of His words.
Holding on, I try to resist the urge to run from the challenges and trials that I'm facing, but rather embrace them. Here I stand... eager..... hoping to see the blessings that God has hidden in these difficulties, hoping to grow.
Is it possible to hear Him through the pain, asking me to take His hand and follow Him even now, when the path seems so shaky and heavy with burden. But then, that is faith. In the trenches... this is where my faith is tested. How easy it is to trust in the good times...when life seems to flow, when I am happy and content. but as soon as the waters start to rise and I find myself in the center of the storm, as soon as the ground starts to grumble under my feet...how quickly I start to question, start to doubt... start to lose faith.
I know that only God can break this lie that consumes me and heal me with the Truth..His Truth. I know the miracle of hope that lives in His words, the freedom found in His promises. So I feed on it. Not on my emotions that lie, not on the judgement of the world, not on my doubts but on the truth of His words.
I begin to feel it. Grace. It starts to cover me. The shame begins to wash off me. It picks me up and gives me the strength to stand, right where I am, in the midst of all the mess,
I dont want to use energy regretting the way things are, instead I choose to live fully....exactly where I am...right here
No matter how crazy and broken my world is....
I will let joy live loud in my soul. Joy in Jesus when everything else goes wrong.
I choose to trust...believe God for great things. Believe Him to bring new life out of this dark season.
I will be grateful for the work that He is doing in me.
I pray that my weakness and woundedness can be openings through which the light of God's Glory shines forth.
Instead of begging to be taken out of this storm..I pray I can persevere..for on the other end, I know, is richness. Richness of life. Richness of faith.
I pray that my weakness and woundedness can be openings through which the light of God's Glory shines forth.
Instead of begging to be taken out of this storm..I pray I can persevere..for on the other end, I know, is richness. Richness of life. Richness of faith.
This new season looms and I don't know what is next, but Jesus doesn't need me to be ready for this season because He is ready. He just needs me to be clinging to Him...and so I do.
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