Sharing
I desire to be real.
to rid my life of the masks I wear
I desire to stop hiding behind false perceptions....
I desire to stop hiding behind false perceptions....
I want to be honest with others and allow myself to be exposed....even vulnerable
I want to resist the need to project some kind of perfection
This is how I want to live....
It's difficult most times tough. Im scared of what others may think. I wish I didn't care but I do. I'm fearful of being judged, because I had this dream, this picture of how I saw myself...my life...and now it is completely different...
I hear her voice crack, she starts to cry, my long time friend. She says how it hurt her, knowing for awhile, that I was struggling, knowing that life wasn't the way I perceived it to be but I wouldn't share. She asks why...why I wasn't honest with her, why I didn't invite her into any of it. That vulnerability then, I couldn't do it. I didn't have the strength then. Sharing made it real and forced me to face the pain..face all that was crumbling around me. Instead, I needed others to see what I wanted them to see....to believe in the picture I created, not the the truth of what I was living. Because I needed them to believe in us. If others believed then I could fight for it all another day.
I hear her voice crack, she starts to cry, my long time friend. She says how it hurt her, knowing for awhile, that I was struggling, knowing that life wasn't the way I perceived it to be but I wouldn't share. She asks why...why I wasn't honest with her, why I didn't invite her into any of it. That vulnerability then, I couldn't do it. I didn't have the strength then. Sharing made it real and forced me to face the pain..face all that was crumbling around me. Instead, I needed others to see what I wanted them to see....to believe in the picture I created, not the the truth of what I was living. Because I needed them to believe in us. If others believed then I could fight for it all another day.
I was guarded with my life, protective of my reality. I was scared to reveal the dreams that laid waste.
I was afraid to bring to light the the flaws and reveal my brokeness
I asked myself what does my testimony offer. What can come from sharing my trails, admitting how we've failed....and then God began to show me...began the answer.
Because holding it all in was destroying me. Because the anguish felt like decay in my spirit...God gave me that nudge, He whispered...."it's ok, tell them" and so I did. I started to open up, I began to expose the facade that I had carefully constructed and my words where met with warm embrace. Family and friends listened, their tears joined mine, they shared similar trials. They encouraged, they prayed, they helped hold me up. My parents where there in the boat with me, the boat that was being tossed and beaten by the waves of life. They listened, and loved, and embraced me through each day. My parents opened their doors to a safe and peaceful life...where I could heal from the pain of lose. Family and friends poured love into my brokenness. They didn't pity me but rather listened with gentle hearts. They prayed strength and peace for my days....and then right there, in my vulnerability it began:
the process of healing.
Because you cant start to mend that which you don't admit is broken.
There I stood, my wounds exposed, my failures laid out for all to see, and then.....a glimpse of beauty. Sometimes He brings us to our end...because that is where He begins
I know that God has given me this life, this testimony with a prupose. A reason.
I hear Him...He says, you are not alone and this is not the end of your story
Because holding it all in was destroying me. Because the anguish felt like decay in my spirit...God gave me that nudge, He whispered...."it's ok, tell them" and so I did. I started to open up, I began to expose the facade that I had carefully constructed and my words where met with warm embrace. Family and friends listened, their tears joined mine, they shared similar trials. They encouraged, they prayed, they helped hold me up. My parents where there in the boat with me, the boat that was being tossed and beaten by the waves of life. They listened, and loved, and embraced me through each day. My parents opened their doors to a safe and peaceful life...where I could heal from the pain of lose. Family and friends poured love into my brokenness. They didn't pity me but rather listened with gentle hearts. They prayed strength and peace for my days....and then right there, in my vulnerability it began:
the process of healing.
Because you cant start to mend that which you don't admit is broken.
There I stood, my wounds exposed, my failures laid out for all to see, and then.....a glimpse of beauty. Sometimes He brings us to our end...because that is where He begins
I know that God has given me this life, this testimony with a prupose. A reason.
I hear Him...He says, you are not alone and this is not the end of your story
So I choose to share.
To allow myself to be viewed, seen
Really seen
This is me..
This is me..
Dear Lord,
Help me to live out the light of who I am because of the work You are doing in me. I lift up my empty hands of faith to You. Please make something beautiful out of my meager efforts. I am so grateful You shine through strong in my weakness. I will except that this is where You intend me to be, right now...thank you for taking my hand, leading me and holding me through it all. I will joyfully follow You always!
In Your precious Name
Amen
"God makes beauty from the ashes"
"God makes beauty from the ashes"
